Helping or Hurting ?

Helping or hurting? (giving positive energy)

Besides family, the only other people who share our joy and sorrow are our friends. Friends are there when you need them and always know what to say or do when you’re feeling blue. Similarly, when your friend needs you, you are always there to offer your love and compassion in times of need.

Giving and taking advice from a friend is something every human being does. But sometimes without even knowing it, you could be hurting your friend more than helping him or her.

If you need to be there for your friend, you should with everything you have. But at the same time don’t feed your friend’s insecurities and problems.

Just because you are there for someone, does not mean they have to stop being there for themselves. When you are being supportive of a friend, read on to know what you should not be doing because you might be hurting them rather than helping them:

DO YOUR OWN WORK

The best way for any individual to help him or herself is to do it on their own. However, this does not mean you just let your friend go and ask them to sort out their own problems. Give him or her a helping hand but don’t take on their burden and make it your own. Besides, if you are always doing things for your friends that he or she should be doing on their own, you are being more of a doormat rather than a helping hand. So offer help when it is needed and don’t become a baby sitter to him or her, be there for them in a mature manner.

DISCOURAGE CRYING

If a friend is feeling sad and starts to cry, very often you might get carried away and decide to share their sorrow by becoming a cry baby yourself. This is definitely not a healthy way to help someone. If your friend is upset about something to such an extent, that he or she is actually led to tears, don’t sit and cry with them. You friend is depending on you to be the strong person. You need to gather your courage and try to stop your friend from crying and not join in the wailing.

BE HONEST

Sometimes, you might get so carried away with trying to make your friend feel better, that you tell him or her exactly what they need to hear, whether or not it is the truth. If you are lying to your friends about facts just to make them feel better, stop yourself. As hard as it maybe, you need to always be honest with your friend. If they are in denial about something, it will be up to you to make sure they see reality and not live in an illusion. So be straightforward but do it gently. Lying to your friend will make thing worse for him or her because they will actually believe everything you say. So choose your words carefully.

NOT ABOUT YOU

If your friend is sad about something and has come to you with his or her problem, listen to them and focus on what he or she is trying to communicate. Don’t start about your problems and tell your friend about what issues you have. It is obvious that your friend has come to you because they want to share their troubles and the last thing anyone would want, is for you to go on and on about your petty issues instead of listening to what they are suffering from. Yes, if you are going through a serious crisis of your own, then go ahead and vent. But if it is something that can wait, then pay attention to your friends first.

DON’T GOSSIP

The biggest no-no when it comes to being there for someone is not to tell anyone else about what happened between you and your friend. Your friend came to you and confided in you and if you go around telling the entire world their personal lives’ details — well you might just end up losing your friend. No one will trust you enough to share their personal life with you. You must always respect your friends’ privacy.

A true friend is hard to find, so, if you have one be there for him or her and don’t do any of the above.

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