Children can act out in inappropriate ways when they don't know how to problem-solve. It’s a mechanism by which they have learned to cope and they use it to make someone else solve the problem for them. Here are three of these ways that can give you a firm idea of how simplistic and realistic these tools are in turning things around and quickly.
1. Make direct statements. Be straightforward in telling the child what you want, be firm and clear, then walk away. Don't be worried that you seem powerless here. You have placed the responsibility and accountability for his actions squarely on his shoulders and that is powerful!
2. Disconnect. Stop communication with the child if they're being abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you'll be amazed how fast things change. This is one that we've started using and I can't believe how good it works. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior.
3. Make the consequences task-oriented and time-limited. As often as possible use consequences that are directly connected to the problem behavior, e.g. "you cannot use the phone until you finish your homework tonight". Remember your child cannot be punished into acceptable behavior. They should be short term, not a prison term.
In conclusion, don't expect overnight results. Results will come, just not all at once. And then the blame will be replaced with gratitude.
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