How to Be Irresistible at Any Age

Do you want to be irresistible? It’s quite simple. All you have to do is to be true to your own true character, and express that character in living. But how do we do that? How do we access the gold of love and truth that is buried deep in every one of us? And what is it anyway, this authentic character that is our true wealth and the greatest gift, really, that we have to give to our world?

Here are some ways to express true character

1. Learn from nature.

If you want to be irresistible, what better place to start than studying nature? Nature doesn’t seem to find it hard to be irresistible. Whether nature is being a daffodil, a tree, a hurricane, or the roar in a lion’s throat, it simply IS irresistible.

One of the things I love most about nature is its patience. Consider, for example, how a young tree grows. It takes its time. It doesn’t just try to push itself out of the ground by brute force, it spirals its way out of the ground – gently, but very persistently. I can say, after 79 years of living on this planet, that quaint though it may sound, this approach really works. It can get you through a lot of difficult situations, too.

2. Be still.

“Silence,” says an ancient Native Indian tradition “is the cornerstone of true character.” We live in a culture that is very oriented to doing and achieving. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But if we want to deepen our connection with our own being, with our own true character, we must take some time every now and again to simply be still.

“Be still, and know that I am God,” said the Psalmist, and the words are the compass of my life.

The interesting thing is that sometimes, a few moments consciously “not doing” can actually increase our creativity and productivity no end. It can also help us in connecting more deeply with our own inner wisdom. History is full of tales of famous people who had their “breakthrough” moments when, strangely enough, they weren’t doing anything. In fact they may have given up on their project altogether.

3. Be persistent.

I recently created a course on the theme of “happy aging” that I’m offering at my blog on May 23 entitled “How to look (and feel) 10 years younger: The true promise and potential of aging.” I share my own experience that aging is nothing to fear, but can be a door to true meaning and happiness at any age. And I share how though our physical form ages, our unconquerable spirit never grows old.

I can tell you that finishing “The True Promise and Potential of Aging” over the last few months with serious help from Mary Jaksch of the A-List Blogger Club has been like giving birth.

It’s called for every ounce of persistence that is in me. Please don’t give up on any true and worthwhile endeavor in which you may be engaged. Don’t give up on a single one of your dreams or goals, if they are true dreams and true goals. We live in a benevolent universe and all you need is persistence and a little wisdom and your dreams will come true.

4. Value little moments as much as big ones.

When we are expressing true character we appreciate the little moments of life and care for them to the best of our ability just as much as we honor the “big” moments.

I used to marvel at how my mentor, Martin, would take so much care with cutting his lawn or fixing a broken toilet. Walking into a coffee shop, for example, or into a food market, listening to a stream or watching children at play – it’s all an opportunity to step back from our conditioned existence and celebrate the joy and spontaneity of life.

5. Love balance.

We live in a loving universe that relies on balance. If we would be true to our own true character we too must love balance and seek balance at all times. For example, it seems paradoxical, but only the strong can be gentle. And although I find great delight, especially as I get older, in sometimes simply sitting in a chair doing nothing, life demands action and creativity too.

6. Be interested in other people.

If you really want to be irresistible, be genuinely interested in what someone else is interested in. If you can find out what makes someone excited or happy – their eyes will glow and friendship will flow.

7. Be kind.

Be kind to yourself and others. Sometimes, caught up in some important task, we put undue pressure on ourselves or another. It’s important to be kind and gracious to everything and everyone we meet. It is not weak to be kind. It is a mark of true character — it reveals the love at the core of our being. [LINK]

Negative People - Better To Avoid !

This is a very realistic situation all of us face in our day to day life. As the story illustrates, we should tend to ignore such people and their prattle and pay them back as the lady in the story did.

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hair dresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome.

So, how are you getting there?'
'We're taking Continental,' was the reply. 'We got a great rate!'

'Continental?' exclaimed the hairdresser. 'That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly , and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome ?'

'We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste.'

'Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.

So, whatcha' doing when you get there?'

'We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.'

'That's rich ,' laughed the hairdresser. 'You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.'

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

'It was wonderful,' explained the woman, 'not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $ 5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!'

'Well,' muttered the hairdresser, 'that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.'

'Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.'

'Oh, really! What 'd he say ?'
He said: 'Where'd you get the shitty Hairdo?
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10 Ways to Start Taking Control of Your Life

At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself . It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For. Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions. A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes. Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts. Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don't follow it.

6. Squash the "ANTs". In his book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," Dr. Daniel Amen talks about "ANTs" - Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like "Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me," or "The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!" When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin', Touchin' & Squeezin' (Your Friends and Family) . You don't have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn't touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity. By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person. Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination. If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It's never productive, because it's not rational or solution-oriented, it's just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

When it comes to the corporate world, protocol is pretty much the religion. To know the things needed to do are the basics of productivity, but interaction and having a steady mind makes up the entire thing to true productivity. There are those who seem to work well even under pressure, but they're uncommon ones and we are human and imperfect. To get these little things like stress under our skins won't solve our problems. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to admit that we're turning to be workaholics than tell ourselves that we're not doing our best.


By: Phyllis Wasserman

Story of Smile !

A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school.

As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up,along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.

Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming word, would cut through the sky.

Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile.

Another and another were to follow quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother's car drove up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing?

Why do you keep stopping?" The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty,

God keeps taking my picture"

The Moral of the story is........

"Face the storms that come your way and don't forget to SMILE! "

Now Smile...... Pass it along to brighten someone else's day because I know you SMILED !!!

10 Things in Life You Control

by Jim Allen

There are just a few aspects of life that we can truly control, and it's useful to know just what those areas are. If you don't know, you'll spend a lot of time blaming others for your own failings. Try and exert too much control in areas you shouldn't and the universe will create some interesting ways to remind of your place.

So be prepared and learn the 10 things in life that you DO control:
1. What you do.
Your actions are yours alone. You choose to make them or not make them and you are responsible for the effects of those actions.
2. What you say.
Likewise, the words you speak (or write) are also consciously chosen. Like actions, they have an impact on your life and the lives of those you contact.
3. What you think.
Yes, there are some subconscious thoughts that you can't control. But the things that you really think about, your beliefs, your ideals, etc. are concepts you have chosen to accept and believe in.
4. Your work.
Many people like to overlook this one, it being much easier to say "Oh, I'm trapped in my job because I don't have a degree, experience, etc." Hogwash! That's simple a way of denying one's responsibility in having chosen the job in the first place. It's your job and you chose it. If you stay (or go), that's a choice as well.
5. The people you associate with.
There's a famous t-shirt that states: "It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys." Colloquial is very often correct! Your friends can either lift you up or bring you down. You make the decision which type of friends you wish to have.
6. Your basic physical health.
Much about our health is a factor of genetics, environment, and exposure. Much more of our health is simply a matter of the things we choose: diet, excercise, drugs, sleep, routine physicals, check-ups, etc.
7. The environment you live in.
Your house, the condition of your home, the town you live in, the amenities available to you are all things you can control, although some to a lesser degree (i.e., you decide to tolerate them or move someplace else).
8. Your fiscal situation.
Having or not having enough money is a factor of what you make versus what you spend.
9. Your time.
You choose how to "spend" your time and how much of your time to give to various activities. You'll never get more time than the 24 hours your given each day.
10. Your legacy.
All your actions, words, and knowledge that you share while you are living become the gift that you leave when you are gone.

May the spirit of Love be with you!
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Attitudes are more Important than Facts ..

It is your attitude at the beginning of a task more than anything else that will determine your success or failure.
It is your attitude towards life that will determine life's attitude towards you. Despite many people's belief to the contrary, life pays no favorites.
You control your attitude. If you are negative it is because you have decided to be negative and not because of other people or circumstances.
Act as if you have a good attitude. Remember actions trigger feelings just as feelings trigger actions.
Before a person can achieve the kind of results he wants, he must first become that person. He must then think, walk, talk, act and conduct himself in all of his affairs, as would the person he wishes to become.
Treat everybody as the most important person in the world.
Attitudes are based on assumptions. In order to change attitudes one must first change one's assumptions.
Develop the attitude that there are more reasons why you should succeed than reasons why you should fail.
When you are faced with a problem, adopt the attitude that you can and will solve it.
We become what we think about. Control your thoughts and you will control your life.
Radiate the attitude of confidence, of well being, of a person who knows where he is going. You will then find good things happening to you right away.
In order to develop a good attitude, take charge first thing in the morning. Do you say, "Good morning, GOD" or "Good GOD, morning?"
Read these twelve points every day for the next thirty days
and see how your life changes.



By : Helene Gerber
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Speak Well and Confidently

Are you very shy when it comes to new surroundings, such as starting a new class or moving to a new area? Sometimes, it is necessary to overcome your shyness and speak confidently. By doing this, it can help you not only to share your ideas properly to others, but also to learn communicating with others. Here are a few steps to consider when speaking with confidence.

Steps

Learn how to have conversations with people. Your ideas or opinions may not always be accepted by others, but this is nothing unusual.

Open your mouth, express your beliefs! This will improve your courage.

Don’t be afraid and speak loudly. If you speak in a low voice, not only will others not be able to hear what you say, but you will also portray a submissive demeanor, which suggests the opposite of a confident one.

Make eye contact when you speak. For one thing, it is polite for others. Also, eye contact will help others to listen to your thinking carefully.

Praise yourself everyday! This will promote your own confidence, which is important when you speak. With more confidence, people will take your thinking more seriously.

Tips

Don’t be nervous when you make mistakes. Human error is far from being a new concept — nobody is perfect! It is normal for everyone to make mistakes. Just calm down and keep speaking bravely.

Try and try again! This may be difficult for a shy person at first, but you need to force yourself to speak, and not seclude your thoughts. If you have some ideas, then try to speak out! Don’t just keep them in your head.

If you have self confidence issues, try to think that you are the only one who has sound knowledge about the topic. Then go ahead and impart your knowledge to the audience in an effective way.

Remember that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Don’t portray an exaggerated amount of confidence, or you will come off as arrogant, believing that your ideas are better than the ideas of everyone else.

The Secret of Getting What You Want

Be Passionate about your Target

You don't need any deep or fiery passion to buy or get small things in life. But if the target is tough or the thing is very valuable you must be very passionate to acquire it. The deeper your passion is the easier it becomes for you to hit your target. Mere wishing won't help you in achievement. Wishes don't fire you to take strong action but deep passion does compel you. Napoleon hill called it 'a burning desire'.

Examine your Action
To examine your action once a week is also necessary to gain speed. Ask these questions from yourself: Am I heading to the right direction? What other steps need I to take? How can I move faster? What are my present hurdles? How can I remove them? Do I need someone to share my responsibility?

Generate Fresh Ideas
Go on picnic, plan a journey, watch a funny movies, arrange a fun party with your friends, or simply go for a long walk. Do whatever you are able to do to make your mind free from your boredom or stress. It will help your mind to think afresh and generate new ideas to progress fast.

Take Advice of Others
No one is perfect. Therefore a person needs to get several ideas from others. Talk to your friends, family members or well-wishers to get their guidance or advice on some tricky matters. It will help you to many problems in a better way. If necessary go to the successful person of your field and seek his advice.

Are you Ready to Sacrifice ?
If your aim is big then you must be prepared to sacrifice. To get one thing you have to sacrifice another. To get good marks in examination you have to sacrifice TV entertainment or fun time with friends. To get a materialistic thing you have to give your money. You can't keep all. So be ready to sacrifice a lot as the price for success.

Have a Deadline for Each Task
Without having a deadline your mind will not be able to achieve faster. Fix a deadline then move hell and heaven to complete that task on time.

"No horse gets anywhere until he is harnessed.

No stream or gas drives anything until it is confined.

No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunnelled.

No life ever grows great until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined."

How to Make Work Feel Effortless

How to Make Work Feel Effortless

Sometimes work can be a drag. You get caught up in trying to be more productive and suddenly your life turns into a series of to-do lists. You gauge your measure of success by how much you accomplish. You even determine how happy you allow yourself to be by how much you’ve gotten done in the day.

We spend a lot of time trying to find ways to be more productive. To do things faster, better, cheaper and spend our time more effectively. But instead of just doing more in less time, maybe we should focus on actually enjoying the work we’re doing instead.

Here are 8 ways to make work seem like less of a chore and more like a gift:

1. Follow your natural rhythms.

A lot of the time I resent working is because I’m trying to force myself to do something I don’t feel like doing. Naturally there will always be some things you’re not crazy about doing (like cleaning the toilet). But how often do you force yourself to work more, when you really want to relax? When you force yourself to work when you’ve promised yourself a break, you’ll likely just end up distracting yourself with other things and put off working. Then you get stressed and end up resenting work. Instead, follow your natural rhythms. When you feel like working, work. When you don’t, don’t.

2. Don’t over complicate things.

Do, don’t think. I’m going to stay true to this point and not think about writing something elaborate. Just do, stop thinking about it. Fail, make corrections later.

3. Don’t put sugar in your tank.

You wouldn’t put sugar in your gas tank right? It doesn’t make much sense to fill your body up with unhealthy fuel either. If you don’t have the energy to get the work you need to done, work will feel forced.

4. Remove hidden roadblocks.

What’s making you avoid working? What’s making your work seem like drudgery rather than joyful? It might have something to do with your beliefs about yourself. Maybe you believe you’re not good enough, smart enough or don’t have enough experience. Question your beliefs about what you can and can’t do.

5. Only do your best.

Work can easily become a chore when you’re trying to constantly be perfect. The truth is, some of your ideas might not be so great. Others will be mind blowing. If you can accept that and just do your best, you stop judging yourself. Guess what it feels like when you’re no longer picking over everything you do with a fine toothed comb? It feels extremely liberating. It feels like you can actually enjoy your experience, rather than worrying about how everything is going to turn out. That is working effortlessly.

6. Act from your gut.

When you think you have a great idea, believe it. Follow it. Chase it until you’re out of breath and can barely hold yourself up. Because if you don’t trust yourself, you’ll regret it later. The best way to live is to follow your intuition and trust life. If nothing else, trust yourself. Because if you can’t trust yourself, how can you trust your mistrust? That’s not very smart is it?

7. Focus on what matters.

Our minds are constantly pulling us in different directions. We have to wash the cat, buy more apple cinnamon oatmeal, finish writing that resignation letter to your no-longer-boss at your dead-end job, and all sorts of other things. We have a tendency to follow what’s urgent instead of what’s important. In order to get the important things done, we have to be ruthless at removing distractions. If it takes bringing a laptop (or notepad) to a cafe to write your grandiose novel, then do that. Avoid the vacuum of minutiae urgency. Remove all distractions so you can focus on the important things. I would much rather spend 4 hours working on an important project, then 4 hours spinning my wheels and scratching my head trying to figure out what I did today.

8. Refuse to do what you don’t want to do.

I often avoid working because I’m trying to do things I think I “should do.” I think I should read more because it will make me smarter. I think I should buy new clothes because it will make me cooler. I think I should work on this project because it will be good for my resume. Forget what you think you should do (except maybe… paying your rent). Do what you want to do. Other people will understand. In fact, they’ll probably envy you.

Never be Late

Never be Late

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish.

A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here.

I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.

The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer.

Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late.

He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,"

said the politician.

"In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him for confession."

Moral: NEVER EVER BE LATE

7 worst habits of workaholics

7 worst habits of workaholics

You might be working harder and longer in a desperate bid to succeed, but if you are doing so at the cost of your health, then you need to get rid of those workaholic habits.

“Many people feel like they have to push themselves to unhealthy levels in order to succeed. But high-pressure jobs and long hours take a real toll on your immediate and future health,” said George Griffing, M.D., professor of internal medicine at Saint Louis University.

These are the seven worst habits of workaholics, according to Dr. Griffing.

Forgetting to relax

While some stress can be good because it keeps you alert and motivated, too much stress or chronic stress will take its toll on your body.

Eating on the go

Between meetings, conference calls and deadlines, workaholics forget to take out time to sit down for a healthy lunch. But a good meal is exactly what a person needs to stay mentally sharp throughout the day.

Putting off sleep for work

Even busy professionals need seven to nine hours of sleep every night. Missing out on sleep can lead to irritability, difficulty concentrating, memory problems and poor judgment. It has also been linked to obesity.

Not making time for exercise

Getting at least 30 minutes of exercise most days is very important to immediate and future health.

Working even when sick

Many people come to work despite being ill. But there are three common sense reasons to stay home - Nobody wants your germs, you’ll be less productive and you need your rest to get better.

Drinking (too much)

Excessive drinking can lead to alcoholism, liver disease and some forms of cancer.

Skipping annual medical checkups

In order to detect problems early, prevent others from developing and get the best treatment if you have a condition, you need to know what’s going on in your body.

7 Rules for a Stress-Free Life

Vanish negatives and beat stress with tips from Hollywood actor Matthew McConaughey. His life may look easy and breezy, but Matthew McConaughey has to stuff as much crap into his 24-hour sack as you do.
“I’ve a lot of responsibilities and I love accomplishing goals and marking things off my bucket list,” he says.
“But things do get overwhelming.” He has fi gured out a few ways to eliminate negatives like anger, impatience and wasted effort.
The results are clear.

1) See eye-to-eye with your job
The situation can never be greater than you are,” he says. “If it is, you’re never going to be able to engage and give your full talent, because you’re not looking at it eye-to-eye.”

2) Learn the sneaky workout
McConaughey has those days, too: no exercise time. He compensates with active bursts throughout the day. “I’ll drop and give myself 20 pushups at intervals. Also I have a 5.5kg medicine ball. I’ll think, pick up the medicine ball and don’t put it down for 30 minutes.”

3) Customise your to-do list
“I’ll put fun things on my list to give me more things to cross off,” he says. “Like, ‘surf for an hour’. When you get to the one near the bottom and it says, ‘Watch Monday Night football’, it’s like, yeah!”

4) Adopt a simple philosophy
Some of life’s biggest stressors are the remains of self-destructive things you do. “I don’t like to leave crumbs,” he says. “I like to do things right, and not cheat to get ‘em done. I don’t owe anybody anything. I never go anywhere and worry, ‘Oh ****, so-and-so’s here.’”

5) Insulate yourself
McConaughey explains with a metaphor: “I like to create my own weather so then I can blow in the wind. If you’ve got positive, likeminded people around you, then your systems are in place. I don’t have to be looking over my shoulder. I can just blow in the wind.”

6) Know what you don’t know
Fighting to prove you know something when you don’t wastes time and sucks energy. “‘I don’t know’ can be perceived as a weakness, but I see it as a sign of intelligence. How else will you learn something new?” he asks.

7) Schedule the pleasure, too
How much pleasure do you really allow yourself to have every day? “You have to be more fl exible and enjoy things. Lighten up! It’s your lifestyle, not your life.”
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Start your New Year's Right

I'm about to put a pretty crappy year behind me, and I've been thinking about resolutions for the new year, things I can do to kick-start a better trend in my life.
Not that I've caused most of the bad things that I've experienced—tornadoes, car accidents and car break-downs, and illness (just to name a few) are completely out of my control. But I CAN control how I live in the wake of negative experiences.
I know the same might be true for you. Whether it's new or persistent illnesses (or anything else crappy for that matter), maybe you've had a tough year and you're ready to enter 2008 with a fresh mindset.
I've got a few ideas that will get you in the mood for some major self-improvement. (If you've had a great year, terrific! Keep doing what you're doing. But still read on for some ideas to make it even better.)

Create your own rituals

Whether it's your nighttime going-to-bed ritual, or your getting-ready-to-face-the-day ritual, positive behavior patterns are comforting. Start with one area of your life and write out a few steps you can follow regularly. Here are two examples:
Morning start-the-day ritual
1. The alarm goes off at 7:30am
2. I lay in bed for 15 minutes meditating on what I want my day to be like
3. A warm shower wakes me up, and I use my favorite foaming bath gel and enjoy the delicious aroma
4. A healthy breakfast of fruit/yogurt shake and a hard-boiled egg give me sustenance
5. I put on clothes that are comfortable and take 15-20 minutes to style my hair and put on a little make-up
wake up!
This ritual is nice because it is all about-self care and gets you where you need to be: ready to start your day. If you follow it every day, your sleep rhythms will improve so you get more rest, the meditation keeps you centered and calm, etc. Now check out this one:
Afternoon take-a-break ritual
1. It's 3 o'clock so I close my office door (or head outside, or find a quiet place)
2. I enjoy a slightly indulgent snack of a small piece of dark chocolate and some berries, and a tall glass of water
3. I spend 10 minutes catching up on celebrity gossip at my favorite web sites
4. For 10 more minutes, I close my eyes and do some deep breathing, recharging for a couple more hours of work
You can adapt this kind of ritual to any situation, whether you work at home or in an office, or if your "mid-afternoon" break is really deep into the night, or you want to read a book or play sudoku...it doesn't matter.
The point of rituals is to build some predictability into your day, and to take a few minutes just for yourself. The habit becomes ingrained and you feel more centered and feeling "at home" doing it each day, even if you're away from your comfort zone. And it's a nice way to remind yourself that you're worth it, darn it.

Dig out from under your "pile"

pile of paperSpeaking from personal experience, there's nothing more intimidating than a big pile of to-do's sitting on my desk (or my coffee table, or my dining room table, or the kitchen counter...). With only the best intentions, I often set things aside so I can do them when I have more time, and then the pile just gets bigger and bigger until I'm afraid to dive in.
For your sake and that of everyone around you, it's time to dig out from under any piles you have in your home of professional life. They could be physical piles of stuff (like laundry, dishes, or bills) or mental piles (the running list you keep in your head of all the things you "should" be doing).
Piles are guilt-inducing. Piles are scary. Piles can often hide time-sensitive stuff that can cause you harm if you ignore (like mortgage payments or doctor appointment reminders).
One: Identify your piles
Take a look around your environment and make a short list of your piles. The stack of stuff you keep meaning to get tailored, or the eight borrowed books you keep meaning to read.
Two: Set aside some time to start tackling your piles
Maybe it's just 10 minutes a day, or maybe you want to take a whole Saturday...it's up to you. But schedule that time in your calendar like you would any other appointment.
Three: Get digging
Honor those appointments with yourself and start tackling your piles. It might feel impossible at first, or frustrating or even boring, but do it. After a little while you'll feel a sense of relief that you're getting this stuff done. And eventually, as the piles are whittled away, you'll feel a sense of freedom. Enjoy it!
Four: Celebrate!
You're pile-free. Yay! Give yourself a treat.
Five: Keep the piles from re-forming
You know that time you scheduled to get rid of the piles? Keep that regular appointment in your calendar FOREVER. That's your anti-pile time, and doing it regularly will keep your piles from re-forming. Rinse and repeat.

Dust off your journal and get writing

write in a journal This one should be a no-brainer, but even a long-time ChronicBabe like me gets out of this habit sometimes. It's pretty simple: Buy a blank book of some kind and start keeping a journal. Things you could write down every day:
* Exercise
* Food and drink intake
* Feelings and emotions
* Dreams and goals
* Medications and doctor visits
Write down as much (or as little) as you like, but do it every day. These notes will help you learn to take better care of yourself, and they can be useful to your medical professionals, or family members who sometimes care for you. It's a nice thing to do for yourself and in as little as 10 minutes a day, you're creating a wonderful tool.

Build free time into your schedule

You may have spotted a trend in these five steps. Each of them asks you to designate time on a regular schedule to care for yourself in some way.
make a dateThis is for good reason: As busy ChronicBabes, it's easy to let our self-care slip. Whether we're working hard, raising a family, or simply have otherwise unpredictable schedules, we need to make time and space to honor our needs.
Step four is all about making time for relaxation and fun. It could be 15 minutes a day, or every Wednesday night, or all weekend. It's up to you how much time to spend, and what to do with it. But if you don't set aside the time, it's almost guaranteed that it will get eaten up by some other task.
Some ways to build free time into your schedule:
* Make an appointment with yourself in your computer calendar (with programs like Outlook and Google Calendar) or in your day planner
* Tell friends and family (as appropriate) that this is your free time—hands off!
* Use a service like Memo to Me or Google Calendar to set up automatic reminders to yourself to take time off (or anything else, for that matter)
You may feel silly scheduling appointments with yourself, but you'll stop feeling silly once you realize how nice it is to know that everyday Saturday afternoon is "catch up on Project Runway re-runs) time or that every day at noon you get to read another chapter of your new book.

Practice thankfulness

This one is so easy, you barely need to think about it. But it's SO necessary it just might be the most important step.
With chronic illness, it's hard not to focus on the negative. You may have to think about your health every day, and how is that fun? In fact, it pretty much sucks.
thankfulBut that's not all there is to life. There are good things, too, even if they're hard to spot. So you need to get into the daily habit of practicing thankfulness.
Spend a few minutes every morning, thinking about what you're thankful for. Thankful that you woke up, or that you have the energy to get out of bed, or that even if you don't...you're thankful you remembered to keep the remote on your nightstand so you can at least watch the morning news while you muster some energy.
Or spend a few minutes every evening before you go to bed, thinking about what you're thankful for. Thankful that you enjoyed another day. Thankful that you have a job, or a spouse, or a good friend. Thankful for chocolate or a cool breeze or a day with reduced pain. Thankful for soft sheets and working heat and fuzzy slippers.
It doesn't really matter what you're thankful for. What matters is that you take a moment each day to appreciate the things you have. Again, speaking from experience, it's kept me sane to be thankful each day. Thankful for a roof over my head, thankful for helpful friends, thankful for my asthma medication, thankful for the chance to help others.


Credited to:
Jenni Prokopy, the Editrix
www.chronicbabe.com

Effort Makes the Difference

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young.

He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work.

He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do.

After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.
He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life.

He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer ........................ $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......................... $ 9998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.
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Dating etiquette, Be Your Best Self

Dating etiquette, like social etiquette, is a set of behavior norms to help us feel comfortable with each other on a date.
Etiquette is also common courtesy and when used in dating is a way to indicate that you respect and value your date.

Be on time: Lateness makes a poor impression. Show your date he or she is important by being on time. If unforeseen circumstances arise and can't come at the appointed time, a courtesy call to your date is a must. If you don't call, don't expect him or her to be there when you finally turn up.

Be ready: Try not to come straight from the office or other event. Take time to freshen up (shower, teeth brush, etc.) and pick out attractive clothing that is clean and pressed. Come mentally "ready" by putting work and personal worries out of your mind so you can focus on getting to know your date.

Be positive: There's nothing worse than being trapped on a date with a real downer! Discuss upbeat topics- a recent film you saw, an album just heard or a trip you just returned from. Save your gripes for your friends (or your therapist!). Also, never swear or use vulgar language. It makes you look crude and uneducated.

Be inquisitive: Show interest in your date by asking him or her questions in a friendly manner. Stick to neutral topics, like where he or she grew up, went to school or likes to do for fun. Pace your questions, so you don't sound like an interrogator then politely listen to each answer.

Be courteous: At the end of the evening, offer to walk your date to his or her front door, car, or taxi. This not only shows that you care about the person getting home safely but it also gives a perfect opportunity for a goodnight kiss.

Keep these dating etiquette tips in mind to make a grand impression on your first date.




Courtesy of Philip Powdrill

Creative Problem Solving Techniques

Have you ever encountered a problem only to become stumped trying to come up with a solution? How often have you found yourself saying that there is just no possible answer and you think that you have reached a dead end?

From time to time the problems that we are faced with may be so huge that one may feel like they are hammering against a brick wall. The stress involved with having to solve such a problem can be more than just a little overwhelming.

But have faith and rejoice, for there may be hope yet!

With a more optimistic mindset, a person will find that they are more creative when solving their problems. This article identifies seven creative problem-solving techniques.

1. Take note of assumptions and constraints with the problem. Oftentimes, these assumptions can obstruct our view of possible solutions. Note which assumptions are not valid and which need to be addressed.

2. You need to take a hard look at what the problem really is. Know the problem and have a concrete understanding of what it is about. By knowing what the problem is and how it works, you may find that you will have built a better foundation towards solving the problem.

Identify all the participating entities and then decide what their relationship is to one another. Take note of all the things you stand to gain or loss due to the current problem. Once you have considered the following you should have a clear and simple statement of what the problem is.

3. Try solving the problem in parts. For example, going from the more general views to the more detailed parts of the problem may solve it. This method is called the top down approach. First, write down a question and then come up with a general one-sentence solution, now you will be able to develop the solution even further.

4. It is important to keep a creative and analytical voice of reason at the back of your head. If someone else suggests a solution, be creative, think of how to make the solution work. Also think realistically and look for any possible weak links in the suggested solution.

5. Remain open-minded to the fact that there may be more than one solution to the problem. Keep track of them and go with the one that best fits your situation.

6. You know the old saying, "two heads are better than one." It is so very true, so remember to be open to new ideas. There may be answers for problems that you thought were unsolvable. You will benefit from listening to others, especially when the information is coming from someone who has had experience with a similar problem to yours.

7. Be patient. There is always the chance that the solution will present itself. Remember, no one is able to come up with the right invention the first time around.

So the next time that a problem arises and you think that you are unable to solve it, think again. The solution could be staring you in the face. It just takes some planning, time and a little creative thinking.

Credited to: Kevin Sinclair

How to Accept Criticism with Grace and Appreciation

Every day, I get emails and comments that are amazingly positive and encouraging, and in truth these messages are the very thing that sustains my blogging. However, I also get negative comments now and then: criticism of my writing, and not nice criticism either.

How do you deal with criticism? I think the first reaction for most of us is to defend ourselves, or worse yet to lash back. And yet, while criticism can be taken as hurtful and demoralizing, it can also be viewed in a positive way: it is honesty, and it can spur us to do better. It’s an opportunity to improve.

Stop Your First Reaction

If your first reaction is to lash back at the person giving the criticism, or to become defensive, take a minute before reacting at all. Take a deep breath, and give it a little thought. Personally, I tend to get a little angry when I’m criticized. But I have also taught myself not to react right away. For example, I’ll let a critical email sit in my inbox for at least an hour before replying. Or I’ll walk away from someone instead of saying something I’ll regret later. That cooling off time allows me to give it a little more thought beyond my initial reaction. It allows logic to step in, past the emotion. I don’t have anything against emotion, but when it’s a negative emotion, sometimes it can cause more harm than good. So I let my emotions run their course, and then respond when I’m calmer.

Turn a Negative Into a Positive

One of the keys to my success in anything I do is my ability to find positive things in things that most people see as a negative. Sickness forces me to stop my exercise program? That’s a welcome rest. Tired of my job? That’s a time to rediscover what’s important and to look for a better job. Supertyphoon ruined all my possessions? This allowed me to realize that my stuff wasn’t important, and to be thankful that my loved ones were still alive and safe. You can do the same thing with criticism: find the positive in it. Sure, it may be rude and mean, but in most criticism, you can find a nugget of gold: honest feedback and a suggestion for improvement. For example, this criticism: “You write about the same things over and over and your posts are boring and stale.” Can be read: “I need to increase the variety of my posts and find new ways of looking at old things.” That’s just one example of course — you can do that with just about any criticism. Sometimes it’s just someone having a bad day, but many times there’s at least a grain of truth in the criticism. See it as an opportunity to improve — and without that constant improvement, we are just sitting still. Improvement is a good thing.

Thank the Critic

Even if someone is harsh and rude, thank them. They might have been having a bad day, or maybe they’re just a negative person in general. But even so, your attitude of gratitude will probably catch them off-guard. And you know what? My habit of thanking my critics has actually won a few of them over. They became friends of mine, and eventually a couple of them became some of my biggest proponents. All because of a simple act of saying thank you for the criticism. It’s unexpected, and often appreciated. And even if the critic doesn’t take your “thank you” in a good way, it’s still good to do — for yourself. It’s a way of reminding yourself that the criticism was a good thing for you, a way of keeping yourself humble.

Learn from the Criticism

After seeing criticism in a positive light, and thanking the critic, don’t just move on and go back to business as usual. Actually try to improve. That’s a difficult concept for some people, because they often think that they’re right no matter what. But no one is always right. You, in fact, may be wrong, and the critic may be right. So see if there’s something you can change to make yourself better. And then make that change. Actually strive to do better.

When I received criticism that my posts weren’t as good as they could be, I strove to improve. I tried hard to write better posts. Now, did I actually accomplish that? That’s a matter of opinion — some will say no, while others seemed to enjoy the posts. Personally, I’ve been rather proud of some of these posts, and I’m glad I made the extra effort.

Be the Better Person

Too many times we take criticism as a personal attack, as an insult to who we are. But it’s not. Well, perhaps sometimes it is, but we don’t have to take it that way. Take it as a criticism of your actions, not your person. If you do that, you can detach yourself from the criticism emotionally and see what should be done. But the way that many of us handle the criticisms that we see as personal attacks is by attacking back. “I’m not going to let someone talk to me that way.” Especially if this criticism is made in public, such as in the comments of a blog. You have to defend yourself, and attack the attacker … right? Wrong. By attacking the attacker, you are stooping to his level. Even if the person was mean or rude, you don’t have to be the same way. You don’t have to commit the same sins.

Be the better person.

If you can rise above the petty insults and attacks, and respond in a calm and positive manner to the meat of the criticism, you will be the better person. And guess what? There are two amazing benefits of this: 1. Others will admire you and think better of you for rising above the attack. Especially if you remain positive and actually take the criticism well. This has happened to me, when people actually complimented me on how I handled attacking comments. 2. You will feel better about yourself. By participating in personal attacks, we dirty ourselves. But if we can stay above that level, we feel good about who we are. And that’s the most important benefit of all. How do you stay above the attacks and be the better person? By removing yourself from the criticism, and looking only at the actions criticized. By seeing the positive in the criticism, and trying to improve. By thanking the critic. And by responding with a positive attitude. A quick example: Someone criticizes one of my posts by saying, “You’re an idiot. I don’t understand what x has to do with y.”

My typical response will be to first, ignore the first sentence. And second, to say something like, “Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify that. I don’t think I made it as clear as I should have. What x has to do with y is … blah blah. Thanks for the great question!”

And by ignoring the insult, taking it as an opportunity to clarify, thanking the critic, using the opportunity to explain my point further, and staying positive, I have accepted the criticism with grace and appreciation. And in doing so, remained the better person, and felt great about myself.

[ LINK ]

Tips on Self Management

You are responsible for everything that happens in your life. Learn to accept total responsibility for yourself. If you do not manage yourself, then you are letting others have control of your Life. These tips will help "you" manage "you."

Here is a list of things that help you in self management and which will in turn lead you to the path of success: -

-) Look at every new opportunity as an exciting and new-life experience.

-) Be a professional who exhibits self-confidence and self-assurance in your potential to complete any task.

-) Agree with yourself in advance that you will have a good attitude toward the upcoming task.

-) Frequently ask, "Is what I am doing right now moving me toward my goals?"

-) Do it right the first time and you will not have to take time later to fix it.

-) Accept responsibility for your job successes and failures. Do not look for a scapegoat.

-) Do not view things you do as a "job." View all activities as a challenge.

-) Use your subconscious mind by telling it to do what you do want. Instead of telling yourself, "I can't do that very well," say, "I can do this very well."-) Give yourself points for completing tasks on your "to-do" list in priority order. When you reach 10 points, reward yourself.

-) Practice your personal beliefs. It may be helpful each morning to take 15 minutes to gather your thoughts and say a prayer.

-) Make a commitment to show someone a specific accomplishment on a certain date. The added urgency will help you feel motivated to have it done.

-) Practice self-determination, wanting to do it for yourself.

-) Believe that you can be what you want to be.

-) Never criticize yourself as having a weakness. There is no such thing. You are only talking about a present undeveloped skill or part of yourself that if you so chose, you can change. You do not have any weakness, only untapped potential.

-) Be pleasant all the time-no matter what the situation.

-) Challenge yourself to do things differently than you have in the past. It provides new ideas and keeps you interested.

-) Talk to yourself. A self-talk using positive affirmation is something that is common among all great achievers. They convince themselves that they can accomplish their goals.

-) Create your own "motivation board" by putting up notes of things you need to do on a bulletin board or special wall space. It is an easily visible way to see what you need to work on. When an item is done, remove the note. Also keep your goals listed and pictured on your board.

-) Stay interested in what you are doing. Keep looking for what is interesting in your work. Change your perspective and look at it as someone outside your job would,

-) Establish personal incentives and rewards to help maintain your own high enthusiasm and performance level.

Guide to Escaping Materialism and Finding Happiness

Money can’t buy you love. It can’t buy you happiness either.

Today’s materialistic world often urges us to buy the coolest gadgets, the trendiest clothes, bigger and better things, but research shows that possessions and purchases don’t buy us happiness. According to an article on CNN:

By and large, money buys happiness only for those who lack the basic needs. Once you pass an income of $50,000, more money doesn’t buy much more happiness, [according to a happiness studies]. So while we are being pushed towards materialism, it’s for monetary gain by corporations, not for our own happiness. Unfortunately, it’s hard to escape the trap of materialism, and find happiness in other ways than buying stuff online or finding joy in the mall.

But it’s possible. Here’s a guide to finding a materialism-free life and discovering true happiness.

Escaping Materialism

All around us, there are messages telling us to buy stuff. On the Internet (blogs included), we see continuous advertising trying to get us to purchase a product or service. It’s the main reason for television, and movies are continually made with products placed throughout, so that we aren’t always sure what is advertising and what was put in there by the director.

Flip on the radio or open up a newspaper or magazine, and you’re bombarded my more advertising. Go to a shopping center/mall, and the urge to buy comes from every direction.

This message to continually buy, buy, buy … and that it will somehow make us happpier … is drilled into our heads from the days of Happy Meals and cartoons until the day we die. It’s inescapable.

Well, almost. You could go and live in a cabin in the woods (and that actually sounds nice), or you could still live in our modern society, but find ways to escape materialism.

Here are some suggestions:

* Limit television.

Do you really enjoy watching TV for hours? Think about which shows you really, really love, and only watch during that time. When the commercials come on, go do something else. Or use Tivo to watch TV. You can even give up cable TV entirely, if you’re brave — I have, and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.

* Eschew the news.

Journalists will never tell you this, but if they’re completely honest, they’ll confess that the most important part of any news company, from TV or radio news to Internet or print new, is the advertising division. It’s the division that pays the paychecks of the rest of the company. The news is important in driving traffic to the advertising. So when you’re watching or reading news, you’re really being sucked in to advertising. Try this instead: boycott the news for a week. I’ve done it for about two years, and it hasn’t hurt me a bit. In fact, it’s helped me a lot.

* Limit Internet reading.

I’m not saying you should cancel your cable Internet subscription or anything. I love reading blogs. But find just those that you truly love reading, that give you the most value, and limit your reading to those. And just do it once a day, for 30 minutes or so. If you can do that, you’ve gone a long way towards tearing yourself away from advertising.

* Give up magazines for books.

Magazines are also designed with advertising in mind. And they rarely give you much value. Try reading an ad-free book instead. It’s a much better use of your time.

* Don’t go to the mall or Walmart.

The only purpose of these places is for you to spend money. If you just want a place to spend your Saturday afternoon, find a place where you don’t need to spend money to have fun — a park or a beach, for example. If you need to buy something, go to a single store (not the mall) and go in and get what you need. Don’t browse and walk around looking at stuff. You’ll get sucked in.

* Monitor your urges.

When you’re online, or watching TV, or at a store, keep track of the number of times you want to buy something. Keep a little notebook or index card, and just put tally marks. Once you become more aware of your urges to buy things, you can start to control them. If you could control them, limiting your consumption of media (see above tips) isn’t really necessary — although I would argue that it still gives you a better quality of life.

* Use a 30-day list.

If you still really want to buy something, put it on a list, and write down the date you added the item to the list. Now tell yourself you cannot buy that item for 30 days. It might be difficult, but you can do it. When the 30 days have passed, if you still want it, then buy it. But you can’t buy anything (besides essentials like groceries) without putting it on the list for 30 days first. Many times, our urges to buy something will pass during this waiting period.

* Declutter.

I find it pretty amazing to see all the crap I buy over a period of years, when I go through my closets and other possessions and start getting rid of stuff I don’t use or want anymore. It’s a gratifying process, and at the same time, it makes me realize how useless all our consumer shopping is. I don’t need any of the stuff! When you do this, you may be less likely to buy more stuff. Especially if you enjoy the decluttered look of your house as much as I do.

* Find other forms of entertainment.

There are other things to do besides watch TV or movies or read magazines or newspapers or the Internet. Try playing sports or exercising, or playing board games or creating art or writing or reading a book. Try doing fun things with your kids or visiting relatives and other loved ones. Try volunteering with a charity. I’m sure you could come up with 100 free or cheap things to do.

* Buy used.

When you get the urge to buy something, and you’re convinced that it’s needed, try finding it used instead of new. Look in thrift shops or garage sales or flea markets or similar places.

A True Path to Happiness

So, if you’re able to escape materialism, how can you find true happiness? There are many ways, and each of us is different, but here are some things I suggest trying:

* Grateful list.

Make a list of things about which you’re grateful in your life. Give thanks for them daily.

* Think positive.

Try eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thinking positive instead.

* Small pleasures.

Make a list of small things that give you great pleasure. Sprinkle them throughout your day. Notice other small pleasures as you go through your day.

* Kindness.

Practice random acts of kindness and compassion. Do it anonymously. Help those in need. Volunteer. Make someone smile.

* Love.

Make an intimate connection with your loved ones. Develop your friendships. Spend time with them, converse, understand them, make them happy.

* Health.

Exercise and eat healthy — it sounds trite, but it can bring great happiness to your life.

* Meaning.

It’s often useful to find meaning, either through a church or spiritual way, or through those we love in life or through the things we’re passionate about. Give yourself a purpose.

* Flow.

Eliminate distractions, and really pour yourself into whatever you’re doing. If it’s writing an article, like this one, really put yourself into it, until you forget the outside world.

* Know yourself.

Become attuned to what brings you happiness. Study yourself. Learn about what you love, and about your ability to love. Increase your capacity for compassion. [LINK]