Slow Down and Enjoy Relationships

The world is seemingly moving at a faster pace. Everywhere you turn, the pace is quick. Deadlines are moved up, workload is increased, kid’s schedules are packed, to-do lists are long, housework never ends – it’s chaos.

At least it feels this way.

Has the world really sped up? Are there more things happening today than 50 years ago? No, and no.

Some things around us may involve more pressure and feel like it’s moving faster, but many times it only feels this way. Thanks to the Internet and cable we hear about everything that happens, immediately.

Our interconnectedness through technology has helped create the illusion of a faster paced world. It’s also created the illusion of less loneliness and isolation – but there’s nothing that can replace real life connections with other people. Physical contact and interaction is vital.

This loss of contact and the perceived pace of the world produces a feeling of chronic anxiousness and a decrease in the ability to find pleasure in some of the simple things.

Honestly, when was the last time you stopped and took in the smell of fresh baked bread? Or colored with crayons? Or walked barefoot in the grass? Or took a few minutes to just breathe?

No where is the impact of our pace felt more than in marriage and family. It’s extremely difficult to move hurriedly through your day and then slow down enough to enjoy your family or your spouse in the evening.

Some of the reasons marriage and family relationships go through sour patches is the squeezing they get from our schedules, disconnection, and pace. It’s easy to get caught up in other things and have the immediate outweigh the important.

To reverse this, here’s a few ideas to try:

Start small.

No change in life is easy or comfortable. Working to let go of the pace around you and creating your own speed takes time and should be attempted in small, incremental steps. Begin by giving yourself permission to slow down. This may seem like a no brainer, but many people believe they don’t have permission to slow down. You do. Whenever life seems to move too fast, take a deep breathe. Three to five slow, deep breaths will slow everything down.

Leave the office.

And I mean leave the office. Shut off all projects, messages, emails, phone calls and conversations and leave the office at the end of the day. Most everything can wait until the next day, so leave it alone until then. As an added help, create a routine to help you disengage from the office on the way home. Walk down the stairs slowly rather than taking the elevator. Drive down tree lined streets rather than the interstate. Walk or bike home from work if possible. Listen to good music while on the train or bus. Stop by the gym for a workout. No matter which way you transition from work to home, make it intentional. Breathe. Relax. Breathe. Let work go. Then walk through the door to your home and enjoy time with those you love.

Turn off all electronic gadgets.

This one is simple. Turn off the phone. The Internet. The television. Spend time talking, playing games, take a walk outside. The point is, unplug and connect with other humans.

Be 100% present.

This is tough at times. But it also is a source of increased tension in life. When I’m with my kids and have other things on my mind, my kids become a pest and source of frustration – at least that’s the way it plays out. When I’ve got work on my mind, my son’s request to play cars is an annoyance rather than an invitation into the world of imaginative play with my child. Whatever you are doing, focus on being 100% present. Multitasking is impossible anyway. Focus on doing one thing at a time and being 100% present while doing it.

Take a walk.

Make it a priority to walk with your spouse and your kids each day. There’s tremendous benefit to being out in nature, even if it’s nature in the city. Want a sure-fire way to improve your marriage? Walk and talk with your spouse at least 30 minutes a day.

Eat outside.

There’s something great about being in nature. There’s something even greater about sharing a meal with others outside. Head to the park for a picnic, eat on the patio at home or restaurants.

Prepare for your day.

Spend a moment at the end of your day preparing for the next day. Pick out clothes, make lunches, talk with your spouse. Then in the morning, before you jump into your day, take some time a simply sit quietly. Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee. Breathe slowly, meditate, pray. What a great way to start each day. [ Link ]

How to be a Great Dad !

Kids, and my wife, are my reason for being.

It is my lifelong goal to be the best dad possible, and while there are many ways I can still improve, I think I’m a pretty great dad already, when I sit back and think about it. I know there are some readers who are just starting out in their careers as dads, and this post is for you.

How can you be a great dad? As always, my list of tips:

Put their interests first, always. Do you enjoy drinking or smoking? Guess what — it’s not good for them, and you’re setting an example with everything you do. I quit smoking about 8 years ago not for my sake, but for my kids. Now, it is still important to take care of yourself (otherwise you can’t take care of them), but you should still have them in mind.

Protect them. As a dad, one of your main roles is protector. There are many ways you need to do this. Safety is one: child-proof your home, teach them good safety habits, set a good example by using your seatbelt, make sure they use a car seat if below a certain age & weight, etc. But financial protection is also important: have life insurance, car insurance, an emergency fund, a will.

Spend your spare time with them. When we get home from work, often we’re tired and just want to relax. But this is the only time we have with them during the weekdays, often, and you shouldn’t waste it. Take this time to find out about their day, lay on the couch with them. On weekends, devote as much time as possible to them. While work may be your passion, it won’t be long before they’re grown and no longer want to spend time with you. Take advantage of these years. The thing kids want most from their dads is their time.

Give them hugs. Dads shouldn’t be afraid to show affection. Kids need physical contact, and not just from their moms. Snuggle with them, hug them, love them.

Play with them. Go outside and play sports. Do a treasure hunt. Have a pillow fight. Play Transformers or Pokemon with them. Don’t just watch TV. Show them how to have fun. See 100 Ways to Have Fun with Your Kids for Free or Cheap.

Do the “mom” stuff. Things that are traditionally considered “mom” duties are not just for moms anymore — changing diapers, feeding, bathing, rocking them to sleep in the middle of the night. Dads should help out as much as they can, sharing these types of duties equally if possible. And in fact, if you’re a dad of a baby, this is the perfect time to bond with your child. You should leap at the chance to do these things, because that’s how you start a life-long close relationship with your child.

Read to them. This is one of the most important things you can do for your child. First of all, it’s so much fun. Kids books are really cool, and it’s great when you can share something this wonderful with your child. Second, you are teaching them one of the most fundamentally important skills (reading) that will pay off dividends for life. And third, you are spending time with them, you’re sitting or lying close together, and you are enjoying each other’s company.

Stand by mom. Don’t contradict their mother in front of them, don’t fight with her in front of them, and most definitely don’t ever abuse her. How you treat their mother affects their self-esteem, and the way they will treat themselves and women when they grow up. Be kind and respectful and loving of their mother. And always work as a team — never contradicting statements of the other.

Teach them self-esteem. Maybe this should be No. 1. Well, these aren’t in any order, but this is one of the most important points. There is nothing you can do that is better than giving them high self-esteem. How do you do this? A million ways, but mainly by showing them (not telling them) that you value them, by spending time with them, by talking and listening to them, by praising things they do, by teaching them (not telling them) how to be competent. Praise and encourage, don’t reprimand and discourage.

Teach them about finances. This is a point often missed in articles about dadhood. You might not need to teach your 1-year-old about index funds or portfolio diversity, but from an early age, you can teach them the value of money, how to save money to reach a goal, and later, how earn money and how to manage money properly. You don’t want your child to go into the world knowing as little as you did, do you?

Be good to yourself. You shouldn’t give up your entire life when you become a dad. You need to take care of yourself, give yourself some alone time, and some time with your buddies, in order to be a great dad when you’re with your kids. Also take care of your health — eat healthy, exercise — because 1) you can’t take care of your kids if you’re sickly, 2) you are teaching your kids how to be healthy for life, and 3) you want to enjoy those grandkids someday.

Be good to the mom. This isn’t the same as No. 8 — you should be good to their mom even when they’re not looking. Take her to dinner, give her a massage, do chores around the house for her, give her some time alone and babysit while she goes out, show affection to her, give her little surprises. Because when mom’s happy, the kids are happy. And dad will be happy too! [Link]

7 Keys to Turning Bad Habits Into Good Habits

Quitting smoking was one of the most difficult things to do — in fact, I failed the first six times I tried quitting.

Each time I failed in my quit attempt, I felt guilty and weak and unsure of my ability to overcome such difficult hurdles. But looking back on it, it was the failed attempts that taught me the most about what works and what doesn’t.

And on my seventh attempt to quit, I was prepared. I knew what got in the way of success, and I planned for it. I had researched habit changes, and had multiple strategies for success in my plan. And the things I learned from this successful habit change were keys to changing all the habits that have made me the person I am today.

There are a few keys to changing bad habits … I highly recommend that you create a plan based on these keys, before you start to implement your habit change, so that you are well prepared and well positioned for success:

1. For each habit, identify your triggers. What situations trigger your smoking habit (waking in the morning, having coffee, drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out with friends, driving, etc.)? Identify all of them, for each habit.

2. For every single trigger, identify a positive habit you’re going to do instead. When you first wake in the morning, instead of smoking, what will you do? What about when you get stressed? When you go out with friends? Some positive habits could include: exercise, meditation, deep breathing, organizing, decluttering, and more.

3. For at least one month, focus entirely on being as consistent with your triggers as possible. That means, every single time those triggers come up, do the positive habit you identified instead of the negative one. The more consistent you are, the better the habit will form. If you sometimes do the new habit when the trigger occurs, and sometimes don’t, the new habit won’t form very well. Try to do it every single time. If for some reason you fail, extend the one-month period and try to be very consistent from that point onward.

4. Avoid some situations where you normally drink and smoke, at least for awhile, to make it a bit easier on yourself. If you normally drink when you go out with friends, consider not going out for a little while. If you normally go outside your office with co-workers to smoke, avoid going out with them. This applies to any bad habit — whether it be eating junk food or doing drugs, there are some situations you can avoid that are especially difficult for someone trying to change a bad habit. Realize, though, that when you go back to those situations, you will still get the old urges, and when that happens you should be prepared.

5. Realize that your urges will be strong, but they will go away after a few minutes. They come in waves, but just ride out the wave. Find strategies for getting through the urges — deep breathing, self massage, eating frozen grapes, walking around, exercising, calling a friend who will support you.

6. Ask for help. Get your family and friends and co-workers to support you. Find an AA group in your area. Join online forums where people are trying to quit. When you have really strong urges or a really difficult time, call on your support network for help. Don’t smoke a cigarette, for example, without posting to your online quit forum. Don’t have a drop of alcohol before calling your AA buddy.

7. Staying positive is key! You will have negative thoughts — the important thing is to realize when you’re having them, and push them out of your head. Squash them like a bug! Then replace them with a positive thought. “I can do this! If Leo can do it, so can I!” :)

Bonus tip: If you fail (and many of you will, at least once), don’t give up. As I said, it took me seven tries to successfully quit smoking. Figure out what went wrong, and plan strategies to overcome that obstacle the next time. Keep your positive attitude and keep trying. You’ll get it eventually. [ Link ]

Nothing is Impossible in this World

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. The word ‘impossible ‘itself spells, ‘I’ am possible Napoleon Bonaparte once remarked that the word impossible is found only in the dictionary of fools.

Believe that you are the architect of your destiny. Activate your positive thinking stretch your imagination. Think bigger than you feel comfortable.

Always accepts challenges. In this world, everything is possible on the basis of determination, dedication, hard work, devotion and positive thinking. You want success then you should seek opportunities and accept challenges.

We should not only be energetic but also zealous. You should select one aim and dedicate yourself to that aim. We should work hard with honesty. You should believe in yourselves. You should be self confident and never loose yourself confident.

Never bother about the results, keep on going even if the pace is slow you are bound to face obstacles in the way of success, but with courage and perseverance you can master them.

Your positive attitude and clear frame of mind determine your future. Never leave till tomorrow which you can do today.

Planning is essential if you want success in your life. First of all you should plan course of action. Start your work the day you have decided don’t put it off. Remember the proverb procrastination is the killer of time. Sticks to your plan don’t change your plan along the way. Never give it less than your best. To gather the fruit, to register victory, to score success, you require unwavering faith in yourself.

Faith works like miracles. It looks beyond all boundaries, transcends all limitations, conquers goal. Therefore, have faith take courage and march ahead, onward and upward, till you attain the goal ---from :Saraswati

--P U S H ; Pray Until Something Happen

Ways To Make A Great First Impression In 30 Seconds

The first thirty seconds count. Whether it’s a date or a job interview, our brains make snap judgments about people within seconds of meeting them.

It starts before they even open their mouths. Research shows the first 30 seconds of an interview often determines whether the person gets hired or not.

Most of the time we don’t even realize how quickly we judge people. Our subconscious mind evaluates the person in seconds. Our conscious mind then proceeds to identify clues that validate what we already think.

It’s unfair, but it’s also a fact.

Whether it’s a sales call, a blind date, or a first meeting with future in-laws, if you want things to go well, it pays to be intentional about how you handle the first thirty seconds.

Here are tips to help you close the deal, land the job, get the guy, woo the woman, or win over your future mother-in-law:

Open your body – Before you walk in the door take a minute to take a deep breath, relax your shoulders and straighten your posture. If you walk into the room with open body language you’ll come across as confident and relaxed.

Smile – It sounds obvious, but you’d be amazed at how many people go into a meeting looking like they just smelled something bad. Don’t wait for them to smile at you. Walk in smiling with your mouth and your eyes.

Leave bulky bags outside – Struggling with straps and packages makes you look frazzled and disorganized. If you’re hauling around a thirty-pound Samsonite, discretely drop it by the door before you enter the room. You want the attention on the people, not your stuff.

Make eye contact with everyone – It’s tempting to zero in on the person in charge, but while you’re zooming in, the others feel left out. Upon entering, make direct eye contact with every person in the meeting.

Let them know you’re delighted to be there – A comment like, “ Driving over here, I was thinking about how excited I am about this meeting.” lets them know they’re important to you. You don’t have to suck up, just sincerely share your enthusiasm.

Get them talking within 30 seconds – Don’t start with a monologue. Engage them immediately by asking a question. Nodding with eye contact as they answer helps you establish an immediate connection.

Be prepared, not scripted – Plan some comments in advance, but don’t script things out so much that you sound like a robot. If their company just launched a great ad campaign, plan to mention it. Knowing you have something for later gives you more confidence in the beginning.

Ask an unexpected question – You can ease tension by asking something off- beat like, “They say the world is going to end today, what do you think we should order for lunch? Only do it if you’re comfortable with humor.

Don’t fidget – As tempting as it is to tug at your waistband or tie, don’t. When they’re talking look directly at them, don’t fiddle with your socks.

Be authentic – Planning doesn’t mean being fake. People can spot a phony. The goal of preparation is to give you the confidence that allows the real you to shine through. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to be yourself.

By: Lisa McLeod (Link)

Surprising Uses of Baking Soda

If you’re looking to detoxify your body and your household, this multitasking ingredient will make your life easier (and more beautiful) without denting your coffers. Mom may have taught you that baking soda will make your bread rise and your fridge smell better, but did you know of its many cosmetic applications? The stuff is antiseptic, antifungal, and lightly exfoliating. It will take the stains off your coffee mug and your not-so-pearly whites, and can be consumed internally to ease your tummy ache. And fridge odors aren’t the only smells it absorbs so don’t turn your nose up, and bring on the baking soda!

Brush Your Teeth With It Most conventional toothpastes use sodium lauryl sulfate as their primary ingredient. You may remember this verboten surfactant from previous posts explaining its harsh effects and possible contamination with a carcinogen called 1,4-dioxane. If you don’t want peroxide in your mouth, whitening strips are out too. Go natural instead with some bad-breath-killing-tooth-whitening baking soda on your brush (tastes like the ocean, salty but bearable), or add it to your SLS-free Tom’s for extra-whitening powers.

Wash Your Face With It As a rule, we think that harsh scrubs and exfoliants do not belong on your face—not least of all because you need that top layer of skin to keep bad stuff out and moisture in. Most exfoliating scrubs also contain other sketchy ingredients—like plastic balls. If you’re hellbent on scrubbring, though, at least switch to baking soda. It works great on elbows and feet too, and combined with some raw honey, this DIY face wash is refreshing and soothing—and anti-acne, too.

Create a DIY Deodorant This recipe from our book makes for a pretty effective homemade deodorant. Here’s what we suggest: Mix four tablespoons of baking soda with about ten drops of your favorite essential oil and apply to underarms. Guys, this sounds girly, but there are plenty masculine smells too—like Texas cedar wood. Ladies looking to reapply throughout the day can carry it in their purses: Just fill an empty mineral makeup container with it and use one of those stubby Kabuki brushes for no-mess application.

Spot-Treat Acne Our favorite natural acne remedy is clay, like this green tea one we swear by. But in a bind, making a little paste from baking soda and water and applying it to an unwelcomed visitor will help dry it out. We don't recommend this for deep cysts, but for more surface afflictions, it works like a charm.

Cleanse Your Hair If you’re looking to join the ranks of non-shampooers (we know a few), to reduce how often shampoo, or simply to get rid of some product build-up on your roots, look no further than baking soda. Just fill a glass with warm water and dissolve about a tablespoon of baking soda into it. Take that to the shower, and after wetting your hair pour the mixture through. Comb it well before rinsing—your hair will feel a little coated and slippery until it’s fully rinsed out.

Soothe Your Stomach Acid stomach, heartburn, gas, and other tummy issues are quickly relieved by baking soda because its slight alkalinity can neutralize the acid causing the problem. Just mix a teaspoon into a glass of warm water and drink it down. We swear by this trick.

Soak Your Skin That's right, dissolve some into your bath for a soothing and skin-softening experience. The added bonus? You won't need soap—and sometimes that's a good thing.

Read more on their blog : Alexandra Spunt